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ThunderRod
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« on: June 15, 2009, 10:38:49 AM » |
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I have noticed something over the last few days which left me puzzled. Walking in the park I saw a woman with her son, aged about 10 or 11. She was walking with him and he stopped and changed direction. She backtracked and followed him. Then after a few minutes, he changed direction again and she stopped, turned round and followed him back the way they had come. I thought they were playing some game where the mother follows him around, like the kids game 'Following the Leader', or whatever it is called.
Then yesterday I noticed a mother, father and teenage daughter out walking in the park. The same thing happened. She was leading the way, changing direction and her parents just followed her around, smiling and proud.
I was very surprised.
Is this some parenting technique that is used here. I have heard parents are very lenient to their kids in Germany and other Europena countries. Is that what I was seeing?
I was raised far more strictly and I went where I was told to go. Seeing the kids dictate where their parents go for a walk was a big surprise to me.
I would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this. Does this style of parenting work? I guess German kids are very well behaved, so something must work.
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Brandon
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« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2009, 10:54:46 AM » |
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German children work like metal detectors, the parents are hoping to find treasure.
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shytic
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« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2009, 01:01:14 PM » |
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I know about this technique of raising children in Germany: parents are avoiding of saying 'no' to their child as much as possible. Generally both parents in such families are well educated and old enough of not letting a child to manipulate them. Funny that exactly in these families children are doing whatever they want and manipulate their parents.
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TalkMunichAdmin
Talk Munich
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« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2009, 01:37:03 PM » |
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This is a good topic to discuss. I often wonder how German parents raise their kids, because in Munich they do seem very well behaved. By not saying 'no' to their kids, I would have thought they were spoiling them, but the evidence points to the contrary, at least in public. Not sure if foreigners should try to emulate bringing their kids up in the same manner though.
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bigwig
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2009, 09:44:09 AM » |
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I think in European countries, quite often children are allowed to do whatever they like. At first glance it would seem like they are spoilt but they do seem to turn out fine. I often see parents with young children and they are running around, getting in everyone's way and generally being troublesome. The parents don;t seem willing to chastise them. I had one kid on the train the other day sitting on my foot while he was playing chess with his father. As has been said, their technique works and the kids turn out thoughtful and law-abiding.
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Laneris
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2009, 02:50:55 PM » |
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You are right about well-behaved children. They seem to distinguish what is good and what is bad very good. And we should learn from that parents that teach their children with their own example and not with words.
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Moomin
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« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2009, 07:13:14 PM » |
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I don't know if I could just sit by and watch my kids do as they please without any form of discipline. Yes it might work here but that is no guarantee that your own children will be quite as docile. Who you are has as much to do with genes as environment, obviously this applies to children as well. What works for the Germans raising their kids may not work for us foreigners.
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entitoid
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« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2009, 07:41:20 PM » |
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First of all, to assume that liberal upbringing (to understate it...) "works for the Germans" is a false assumption.
How would i know? I would know because of having worked for years in German retail and having dealt with massive samples of German people. The well known German arrogance (which is basically an advanced form of disrespect) is only one of the direct results of such upbringing.
Before i get misunderstood, i'm not claiming that the liberal way Germans bring up their children has only negative results. It has several positive results as well.
I'm just pointing out that, no, such an upbringing is not by default what we should be aiming at, neither is the other extreme , obviously.
The difficulty then would be achieving a golden cut in the way children are brought up. Discipline where common sense would call for it, freedom where it's needed.
Problem is that children are brought up not by "Germans", "Americans", "Peruvians" or "Italians" but by humans. And we all understand what that means...
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Mickey
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« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2009, 09:56:37 AM » |
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Is this liberal way of raising children specific to Germany? In UK, boys join gang at 12 and girls get pregnant at 13, how were they raised?
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entitoid
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« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2009, 10:22:16 AM » |
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Neglection and liberal upbringing are two entirely different things.
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Mickey
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« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2009, 10:30:03 AM » |
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So in the UK kids are neglected?
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entitoid
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« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2009, 10:40:11 AM » |
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No. You mentioned specifically about kids who join gangs. What in your opinion is then the primary reason (or reasons) that would prompt kids to join gangs?
I say it's poverty, the breaking down of the social web and yes parents neglecting their children as well.
Now, this in no way means "all" UK children are facing such a reality.
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KingCape
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« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2009, 11:21:56 AM » |
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The well known German arrogance (which is basically an advanced form of disrespect) is only one of the direct results of such upbringing.
That is a quote worth digesting. I had not looked on arrogance as a form of disrespect and it made me think about the connection. I agree with you. Though not at first glance obvious, I suspect being arrogant is being disrespectful. Then again, arrogance I always associated with a deep underlying insecurity. Perhaps I am wrong on that. Maybe there are two type of arrogance, the first type which is over-compensating for insecurity and the second type which is pure, unintentional arrogance that comes from an incomplete upbringing/awareness of oneself and others. Posts like the one on this thread help me to understand the country I am currently living in. Thanks for your contributions, it is worthwhile. |
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Mickey
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« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2009, 12:31:52 PM » |
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No. You mentioned specifically about kids who join gangs. What in your opinion is then the primary reason (or reasons) that would prompt kids to join gangs?
I say it's poverty, the breaking down of the social web and yes parents neglecting their children as well.
Now, this in no way means "all" UK children are facing such a reality.
Indeed, not all the kids in UK join gang. But it seems that juvenile delinquency is quite high in UK and in France, but low in Bavaria. I am not sure why. |
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Mickey
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« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2009, 12:37:26 PM » |
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Maybe there are two type of arrogance, the first type which is over-compensating for insecurity and the second type which is pure, unintentional arrogance that comes from an incomplete upbringing/awareness of oneself and others.
I think there is a third case: when somebody is actually superior to another and shows it (intentionally or not); the people being looked down at may ressent this and call it arrogance when it is in fact just awarness. |
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